Hope that fades

I'm not going to lie.
I have been very depressed lately.

I have put back blogging many times, simply because i did not know how to express myself, and i didn't want people to get the wrong idea. I know i mentioned how i like to express my feelings here, but i also became a victim of the publicity. Sometimes, some things are best not mentioned.

A lot has been going on lately, namely approaching exams, failing assessments, family issues, life, friends, relationship, everything.

I am dying on the inside slowly.

The pressure in me is starting to show on my health. The stress inside me is pushing everyone away from me.
I am pushing everyone away from me.

Sometimes i wonder is everything really going to be worth it in the end?
Giving up so much for a damn degree. Will i really be happier when i finish? What does my future holds? Is this really what I wanted?
I did this to run away from my past, but will i ever be able to?
The more I try to act like everything's ok, the worse things become.

Long distance relationship, one after another time. Why did I even let it happen? Again? As if one failed experience wasn't enough.
Study.. passing exams.. what's all this for anyway?
Friends, competition, betrayal, lies... the more you know, the harder it gets.

I wish I could just give it all up.
I wish I could just end it all.

I'm all alone. I guess I was never not alone.