Amber‘s delivery story

I was reading my post about Ashton‘s deliveries stories and realise i should probably blog about Amber‘s delivery story too so that i can read it again in the future.

We thought Ashton‘s delivery was fast, Amber‘s was even faster.
We had an unplanned home birth with no assistance, it was a 30 minutes labour. My water broke at 4.15am while i was in bed,i had a sharp painful contraction when that happened (signalling the start of labour). The contraction was so intense and developed so fast that i couldn't even clean myself up properly with water being broken. Next thing i know there was a lot of pressure, something very similiar to what i experienced with Ashton so i know things were happening fast. I had 4 hours with Ashton so you would think i had atleast 1 hour this time,or atleast time to get to the hospital since we only live 5 minutes away, but no, Amber was born at 4.49am. Luckily we stayed put and luckily the delivery was straight forward because Frank had to be the midwife and catch the baby as she literally slipped out of me. The midwife arrived 10 minutes after we delivered her ourselves. It was quite a morning for all of us.
Ashton slept through everything and he even slept in and woke at 8am the next morning to a brand new sister next door with mummy in mummy and daddy's room.
We thought Ashton‘s labour and delivery story was impressive, Amber‘s definitely topped that!

She was born 20 days before due date, definitely a lovely surprise for all of us that morning!

Our beautiful Amber

Its a quiet night, hubby has gone out fishing with the boys, as i sit here on the couch cuddling her, i can feel her breathing against my chest, there is just so much love for her. We named her Amber so that she is a gem, like her mother.

I feel so so terribly lucky to have 2 beautiful healthy children, both alive and well, healthy and strong, close to me.
I can't help but think of those people i know who experienced infertility, who experienced loss by miscarriage and loss of their child by death. It is something i do not wish upon anyone, and something i never ever want to go through myself, i cannot imagine the pain they go through as parents.
We have 2 beautiful children, planned and very successful pregnancy, with smooth deliveries. I am terribly thankful for that. I wish my children will continue to grow healthily and our family will always be united and be together.

Things you do when you are sleep deprived but still love your 4 week old honey bun so much and let her snuggle on your chest while you sit alone and cherish every single moment you have with her because they sure don't stay baby for very long.
Second time round, i know now all this sleep deprivation is temporary and so so worth it.

Home alone

This is the first time in a long time that I do not have my boy with me AND I am not working. Usually when I am not working I am staying home with my son.

It has been more than a year since I updated this blog.
I guess from now on the posts will be even rarer since we will be having baby number 2 in a few months time.

I was reading the last few posts I did when Ashton was a newborn.. it brings back so many memories. I wish I could continue to blog about these moments, but I am afraid I am way too busy being a mum and getting the house and family in order.

Maybe the next time I have a rare opportunity like this again where I am home alone with no kids or husband, I shall blog again.

Actually, I have a whole list of things to do.. including my professional developement. So I better go.

All I want to say is, I am so glad I have a beautiful little family, and a growing baby in my belly. I know we are lucky that our family planning is going to plan.. We just want another healthy baby and continue to grow as a family.

Oh I miss my boy.
Better cherish the few more hours I have on my own and get some things done.

Motherhood for 4 months

Ashton turned 4 months today. My baby is growing so fast, I know people say that all the time how fast babies grow, but seriously, in the last 4 months,  I have been very privelleged to witness my child grow, from a newborn who can barely see, to an infant who is grasping and batting his toys and trying to eat everything. Just a few days ago, he started rolling over from back to tummy.

As i watch him kick his little legs excitedly on the floor, and waving his arms like he is swimming in air, i realise he is no longer the immobile baby i had just a few months ago, soon he will be strong enough to push himself up, and then crawl and off he goes!

I must say, those sleepless nights, nights where i held him to sleep all night and day, the constant cluster feeding days, and all he does is eat sleep poop days seem to have faded away in my memories. It has only been 4 months but it feels we have had him in our lives for so long. He is constantly growing and changing, so fast that sometimes i wished i was writing everything down everyday because i forget, and i can't remember every single details, he grows so fast that i am constantly trying to keep up i forget the days when he was so little. Well being sleep deprived doesnt help with my memory either but my point is, one day, i am going to forget all these moments of him as a young young baby, because every day there is something new to learn about him, and there will only be more to come to keep me busy, for his entire life. Heck, he doesn't even look like how he looked when he was born anymore, he is starting to show his features, and his personality is shining through too.

Although he has only been in our lives for 4 months, my love for him has grown so so much, I am still coming to terms of being a mum, getting used to calling this little human being my child, my son, but yet, I have fallen inlove with him so deeply, like he has been in my life forever.

Being a mother

As you fall asleep on my chest, I can't keep my eyes off you, I watch you doze off, with your head flopping off my shoulder, your triple chin and tiny mouth slightly open, those long eyelashes of yours, I wonder who you got that from. You snore so slightly, making some cute noise as you sleep. I took a sniff of your head, oh your hair is so soft, and the smell, nothing beats a baby's smell.
I tried to imagine you five weeks ago, how did you fit in my belly, did you really come out of me that morning, birth is such a magical thing.
I wonder what you will be like when you grow, I am still waiting for that voluntary smile, when will you roll over, be strong enough to lift your head to see the world, will you like the toys we have for you? Will you enjoy our bedtime stories? When will you crawl, when will you run, there are so much I can't wait to do with you. You are part of our lives now, you made us a family.
Five weeks have gone by so quickly, I watch you grow every single day, realise you will not stay a baby for very long, I want you to grow well and healthy, and be independent and strong, yet I want you to be my baby forever, so that I can smell your little head and kiss your little fingers, comfort you when you cry and nurse you till you fall asleep.
Every single day, I fall inlove with you again and again, how can someone so little bring so much emotion and love. Mother instincts, I never knew how strong it can be until I become a mother myself. Every little thing about you is perfect to me, you are like a little angel. The faster you grow, the stronger my love for you grows. Being a mother is a blessing, and an experience like no other, I amaze myself everyday how much love I can have for you.

One week old Ashton

Ashton is 1 week old today, i can't believe just one week ago we were in the delivery room pushing him out into this world. The feelings you develop for your child is so special, its like a mixture of excitement, happiness, worry, protective instinct and lots and lots of love.

The labour was not as bad as i had thought it would be, after hearing stories from other people about how traumatising deliveries can be, I was prepared to use whatever pain killer available once i was allowed, however, i didn't end up using anything i planned to use and i had a natural delivery, and it only took 4 hours from the first painful contraction till i had him in my arms. The nurses thought i had deliveries before and most were surprise he was my first born.

Anyway, despite a quick and smooth delivery, Ashton had a rough start to his life, on the day 3 after we were discharged from the hospital to go home, he developed a fever and was rushed back into the hospital that afternoon. Infact we are still at the hospital as i type this. He developed a chest infection, doctors suspected he got infected in the womb or during delivery due to my water breaking without me knowing when, so he could've been exposed to infection by the time i went into active labour.

Anyway, we are finally finished with the last dose of antibiotic this morning, and I am hoping we can finally go home for good today.

Baby due date

So baby is supposed to be due today according to the doctors anyway, but mummy and daddy is still patiently waiting for his arrival.
Wonder when he will finally comes...
I'm getting quite restless and bored at home, and feeling rather unmotivated lately.

6 days...

Exactly 6 days to my due date. I honestly thought my baby would be here by now, I hope he comes soon as mummy is getting quite bored at home.
Every time I feel any sort of slight pain I thought it was the start of labour, but it always goes away after a few hours. I guess I'll just have to be patient.
When will you come my baby?

38 weeks!

Time is ticking and my baby is kicking. Only 2 more weeks until the due date. I wonder everyday if he is going to come. Hopefully not too long until we get to meet him.

I have been keeping busy with the house, tidying and cleaning, i guess this is the nesting instinct mothers to be have. We managed to get a few things done for the house too which is great. Hopefully the final task (redoing the rumpus floor) can be done too before the baby comes.

Being a housewife

This is the fifth day I'm staying at home, slowly ticking off my to do list and hoping that my baby will stay in for a little longer until I am ready.
It feels quite good finally ticking the list off. At the same time, I feel that the baby could come any time and all those cleaning and preparation that I haven't done doesn't really matter in the end if the baby does come before I could finish them.
After all, there will always be cleaning to do. At least I have finished washing all the baby clothes, and the nursery is somewhat ready to go.
It is going to be yet another life changing event for both us. Year after year, it just seems to get more and more exciting. With a new member of family coming along, I know that our lives will never be the same again, it is going to be a new learning process for both of us becoming parents.
Hopefully when baby decides to come, the labour will be smooth without complications and we can be a happy family of 3 soon.

2016 New Year resolution

I finally have some time to sit down and sort my computer out. I officially started my maternity leave!
For the past few years I have been doing new year resolutions every year, this year it comes 18 days late but it's better late than never.
I would like to keep this year's resolution simple just like all other years, since I am expecting, let this year's resolution be that I can learn to be a good mother and hopefully motherhood goes smoothly for me.
Our baby is due in 4 weeks, but really he can come any time from now.
Since I started my maternity leave, I can finally do a big clean of the house and do all final preparation for our baby's birth.
Last year's resolution was to have a healthy year, I think I achieved it, I picked up a lot of sports, running, badminton, pilates, archery. However I had to stop all activities when I was hit by morning sickness. Being sick and tired all the time was really hard, thankfully it got better after 16 weeks.
Having said that, working full time plus over time all the way through pregnancy wasn't easy either, when I come home from a full day of work, it was almost impossible to do anything else, so my list of cleaning and tidying up just kept piling up, until now when I finally have some time off before the baby comes. Getting pregnant was actually also one of my secret new year's resolution last year, I didn't want to put it down on blog because I didn't want to jinx it. Thankfully we are blessed by this growing baby inside me, and hopefully we will be a family of 3 soon.
Becoming parents still seems foreign to both of us, I am excited and nervous at the same time, so many questions and why don't babies come with a manual? But at the same time, I cannot wait to see what my son looks like, is he going to look like a mini Frank? Or is he going to have more of my features? Is he going to be an easy baby or is he going to be a little rascal?
I guess that is part of being a parent, you just have to learn to adapt and I am sure however he turns out to be, we will love him unconditionally.
Baby has got a name, which will only be revealed when we meet him.
Hopefully he stays put inside mummy for a little while more, so that mummy can get all the stuff done at home. Better go and hang all the baby clothes now. Till then.

8 year anniversary

Can't believe its been so long since I blogged. This year has been yet again another year filled with excitement and new experiences, just when I thought it cannot get any better, we find ourselves more things to look forward to.

I've been meaning to update this blog but life has been so different lately, I have been so tired lately, its not easy to do anything with the amount of energy I have these days.

Anyway, 8 years ago I went on a first date with Frank, and now we are married and expecting our first baby together due in 2 months. How time flies and how life has changed for us.

Blog more soon hopefully, can barely keep my eyes open.

I love you Frank, happy anniversary (yesterday) and yes we both got too busy and forgot to celebrate, looking forward to many many more happy years with you. This year is probably the last year we will celebrate/remember this anniversary date because once the baby comes we will be too busy. Let's just stick to marriage anniversary from now ay. Sweet dreams.

My first promotion

So it's been one year since we moved to Whangarei.
I have been working in the same job ever since we moved up.
Last week, I got my first promotion to become the dispensary manager.  It's going to be a new challenge. I'm a little nervous about the new role and expectations, especially since I only have 1 year experience, but I gladly accepted the offer and took the challenge. I guess everything works out for my career afterall, moving away from Auckland was a good move. When I first started in this company, I thought that since this company is so big with so many people already in the higher managing role, i will not get the chance to move up. However, I guess my hard work was noticed in the end.

On a random note, Frank and I were talking about whether we are a dog person or a cat person. I still think I am a dog person although I do love cats a lot too. It's hard to choose between them because they are so different. It all comes down to which pet suits our lifestyle more. Growing up, I've always imagined myself having dogs when I grow older and have my own home. I wanted my kids to grow up with animals, and teach them how to love animals the way I do.

However, I now understand why it was always so hard to convince my parents to buy us a dog. It's the commitment involved, not just the caring of them, but the time we need to provide for them. I don't want to be one of those parents who would not let my children have pets, but now ever since i started working full time and moved out from my parents home, I find it hard to give time to Pinky. She had to be left alone at home all day. I feel like we are neglecting her, and she deserves a lot more time and love from us. but with full time work commitment, it is very hard. She was so used to having someone at home all the time, and now being left alone home all day makes her depressed and anxious.

My dream of having another family dog when i have a family is probably not going to happen, because I think even when we have kids I would want to eventually go back to work, and that means no time for pets. I do not want to do the same thing to another dog, leaving them more than 8 hours home alone during the day. Unless ofcourse, I become a housewife, even then it doesn't necessarily mean i'll have the time for both kids and pets.

On the other hand, Cody is so much more independent, although he also seeks attention at night when we come home, he is so much easier to look after attention wise. Me being an animal lover, i cannot see myself growing old without any pets, so we might have to stick to having cats instead. Let's hope our allergies don't get worse.
My babies are not getting any younger, Cody is turning 9 this year, and Pinky is turning 8. We will keep doing our best to keep them safe and happy, and hopefully they will stay with us for much longer.

2014

It's that time of the year again to make new year resolution and to reminisce this year that is coming to an end.
This year,  we have yet again experienced so much, we went on our belated honeymoon early in the year, spent new years in macau travelling back to hongkong and getting stuck in sea of people, then headed of to Europe and UK in Jan. When we came back in Feb, i found my first full time pharmacist job after doing a few locum shifts in Auckland. We moved to Whangarei and started a new life up here, meeting new friends, trying out new activities like archery, going on walks and even getting lost in the woods and had to ring 111 search and reacue to help us. It has been a great experience and journey, i am actually feeling sad this year is ending in a couple of hours time. The last 2 years have been amazing, i look forward to what is coming next year.
I had to look back at my 2013 post to remember what my new year resolution was, surprisingly it was only to find a full time job that i am happy working at, guess what, that was achieved very quickly into the year as i found a job in Feb. Although this job has its work drama just like any other jobs, I actually achieved alot, got my first pay rise 6 months after starting and working as a charge pharmacist now. People managing is not easy but i have learnt and grown so much.
For this year's resolution, i just want 2015 to be a healthy year, let it be a year of fitness and good health!

Life and its uncertainties

Just as I thought I was not going to blog anymore..

The future seems so uncertain at the moment, I thought I knew what I wanted in life and have my life planned out. Now that we are both living comfortably, with stable jobs and income, I guess the next thing to do is to think what to do next.

The biggest question is, where am I going to settle? Should I stay in Whangarei? Move back to Auckland? Move to New Plymouth like I initially planned or move to OZ?

Moving town again sounds like a fresh start all over again, it is exciting yet challenging at the same time. There is always that 'what if' at the back of my mind, what if I don't like living in the place I choose to settle, what if things don't work out as planned, what if i'm better off staying at where I am now. How do you decide on where to live when you are considering places you have never lived before? There are good and bad things about each places, how do you justify what is a rational decision? How do you prioritise?

The next biggest question is when do kids come in the picture? And where do I raise them? And how do I raise them? I guess that is what everyone expects us to do next, and conversations with friends now involve babies and kids, but am I ready to be a mum? It's a life changing decision and I want to make sure I do it for myself and my family, not because of peer and parent pressure. I know it would be lovely to have a baby now, and it would also be perfect at my age.  The plan was to have a child before i turn 30, but I do not want to raise a child not knowing where I am going to be living in the next five years. Call me perfectionist but I don't feel comfortable having a baby with so many uncertainties going on, not forgetting the big question about how to raise them? I have absolutely no idea how to raise a child and the thought of being a bad parent puts me off.

And the question about career comes into play, I'm lucky enough to have a job with people I enjoy working with and have potential to grow professionally, but there is also a possibility of finding a better job, with higher pay, and more opportunities somewhere else. Do I want to start my own pharmacy business or stay as an employee? It is a risky time to start a new pharmacy at the moment, because of the law and funding change, I personally do not think that owning a pharmacy business today is as profitable as 10 years ago, although the fact of being my own boss is sweet, realistically speaking it is a big risk to take at this time of my life. I might be better off working for someone else knowing that my job will be stable. Talking about being a parent, I wouldn't be able to devote myself fully to my child if I do venture into a new business right now.

I guess you can only plan this much for life. I have no idea what my plan for the next few years is. And I do not like knowing that there is nothing I can work towards to. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow with a clear mind of exactly what I need to do. At the moment, a husband, a dog and a cat in Whangarei is good enough.

I have not forgotten this space

Haven't been blogging for so long, I am so tempted to end my blog for good. However, something tells me I will want to come back and post things someday. Sorry for neglecting this space, I may not be updating as often but I have not forgotten this space.

Frank's 30th coming up this Saturday, the whole family is coming back from Oz to celebrate, it's gonna be a great weekend!

Post birthday post!

So I fell sick about 3 weeks ago and I stopped my 3 times a week pilates. Laziness got into me...

I should be really get back into it.

My birthday was great, we had thai massages and yummy degustation! 27 now!! getting close to thirty!!

Got a pay rise the other day, makes my day since i only started for less than 6 months! Boss seems to be real happy with my progress, she told me she was really impressed with what i've done and how well i fit in. I haven't had such good compliments before, knowing that you are doing something right feels great!

Spring is here, means more sunshine! yay! Going to start running again, we missed the marathon sign up date but we can always start training for next year!

Sorry for ignoring you blog for so long.. life has gotten in the way :)

Finally, pilates!

I'm focusing at living a healthy lifestyle at the moment. I've been trying to exercise atleast 30 minutes a day, 4 days a week, so far it's going good and I can see some changes starting to appear in my body. I'm not trying to change how I look, although I do like to firm up that belly fat, I'm really just trying to be more fit and healthy. I guess hearing stories about parent's generation getting sick is making me feel nervous about my health, sure want to stay healthy when i'm old! So pilates and badminton here I come~ Would love to pick up swimming again but that will have to wait till summer is back.

It's that time of the year again

I used to dislike winter, but having somebody to snuggle with at cold winter nights is a luxury, makes you enjoy and appreciate the coziness on winter nights :)

Rainy windy night

So we went to Auckland on Tuesday night because Frank had a scheduled electrophysiology study on his heart. After a few doctors and specialist visits since the end of last year, we finally found the cause of his ocassional palpitation and one incident of dizziness. He was expecting to do an ablation on his heart today but during the electrophysiology study, the doctor reckons his heart was normal enough and he didn't need the ablation done. He was hospitalised for a whole day after the procedure and could not come back to Whangarei with me. Too bad I had to work tomorrow so I had to come back alone, it was quite a scary drive back because the rain and wind was terrible and I was driving in the dark for 3 hours, with Pinky in the car with me. Frank is usually the driver and I am not used to driving long distance alone.

Poor hubby was in so much pain at the area of insertions after his procedure. He also had an episode of low blood pressure and almost fainted at the hospital. Thankfully we now know that his heart is normal and he does not have any increased risk of getting arrhythmia in the future. He is now safely discharged and resting at home with my parents. Guess I will be spending my coming Easter long weekend in Auckland.

I was having sleepless nights about this and was trying really hard not to think too much about it. Thankfully it is now all over and I know my hubby is fine.
That was a big reminder about how we take things for granted all the time. You can never give too much love and kisses to your loved ones, especially the ones you see everyday.