Motherhood for 4 months

Ashton turned 4 months today. My baby is growing so fast, I know people say that all the time how fast babies grow, but seriously, in the last 4 months,  I have been very privelleged to witness my child grow, from a newborn who can barely see, to an infant who is grasping and batting his toys and trying to eat everything. Just a few days ago, he started rolling over from back to tummy.

As i watch him kick his little legs excitedly on the floor, and waving his arms like he is swimming in air, i realise he is no longer the immobile baby i had just a few months ago, soon he will be strong enough to push himself up, and then crawl and off he goes!

I must say, those sleepless nights, nights where i held him to sleep all night and day, the constant cluster feeding days, and all he does is eat sleep poop days seem to have faded away in my memories. It has only been 4 months but it feels we have had him in our lives for so long. He is constantly growing and changing, so fast that sometimes i wished i was writing everything down everyday because i forget, and i can't remember every single details, he grows so fast that i am constantly trying to keep up i forget the days when he was so little. Well being sleep deprived doesnt help with my memory either but my point is, one day, i am going to forget all these moments of him as a young young baby, because every day there is something new to learn about him, and there will only be more to come to keep me busy, for his entire life. Heck, he doesn't even look like how he looked when he was born anymore, he is starting to show his features, and his personality is shining through too.

Although he has only been in our lives for 4 months, my love for him has grown so so much, I am still coming to terms of being a mum, getting used to calling this little human being my child, my son, but yet, I have fallen inlove with him so deeply, like he has been in my life forever.

Being a mother

As you fall asleep on my chest, I can't keep my eyes off you, I watch you doze off, with your head flopping off my shoulder, your triple chin and tiny mouth slightly open, those long eyelashes of yours, I wonder who you got that from. You snore so slightly, making some cute noise as you sleep. I took a sniff of your head, oh your hair is so soft, and the smell, nothing beats a baby's smell.
I tried to imagine you five weeks ago, how did you fit in my belly, did you really come out of me that morning, birth is such a magical thing.
I wonder what you will be like when you grow, I am still waiting for that voluntary smile, when will you roll over, be strong enough to lift your head to see the world, will you like the toys we have for you? Will you enjoy our bedtime stories? When will you crawl, when will you run, there are so much I can't wait to do with you. You are part of our lives now, you made us a family.
Five weeks have gone by so quickly, I watch you grow every single day, realise you will not stay a baby for very long, I want you to grow well and healthy, and be independent and strong, yet I want you to be my baby forever, so that I can smell your little head and kiss your little fingers, comfort you when you cry and nurse you till you fall asleep.
Every single day, I fall inlove with you again and again, how can someone so little bring so much emotion and love. Mother instincts, I never knew how strong it can be until I become a mother myself. Every little thing about you is perfect to me, you are like a little angel. The faster you grow, the stronger my love for you grows. Being a mother is a blessing, and an experience like no other, I amaze myself everyday how much love I can have for you.

One week old Ashton

Ashton is 1 week old today, i can't believe just one week ago we were in the delivery room pushing him out into this world. The feelings you develop for your child is so special, its like a mixture of excitement, happiness, worry, protective instinct and lots and lots of love.

The labour was not as bad as i had thought it would be, after hearing stories from other people about how traumatising deliveries can be, I was prepared to use whatever pain killer available once i was allowed, however, i didn't end up using anything i planned to use and i had a natural delivery, and it only took 4 hours from the first painful contraction till i had him in my arms. The nurses thought i had deliveries before and most were surprise he was my first born.

Anyway, despite a quick and smooth delivery, Ashton had a rough start to his life, on the day 3 after we were discharged from the hospital to go home, he developed a fever and was rushed back into the hospital that afternoon. Infact we are still at the hospital as i type this. He developed a chest infection, doctors suspected he got infected in the womb or during delivery due to my water breaking without me knowing when, so he could've been exposed to infection by the time i went into active labour.

Anyway, we are finally finished with the last dose of antibiotic this morning, and I am hoping we can finally go home for good today.

Baby due date

So baby is supposed to be due today according to the doctors anyway, but mummy and daddy is still patiently waiting for his arrival.
Wonder when he will finally comes...
I'm getting quite restless and bored at home, and feeling rather unmotivated lately.

6 days...

Exactly 6 days to my due date. I honestly thought my baby would be here by now, I hope he comes soon as mummy is getting quite bored at home.
Every time I feel any sort of slight pain I thought it was the start of labour, but it always goes away after a few hours. I guess I'll just have to be patient.
When will you come my baby?

38 weeks!

Time is ticking and my baby is kicking. Only 2 more weeks until the due date. I wonder everyday if he is going to come. Hopefully not too long until we get to meet him.

I have been keeping busy with the house, tidying and cleaning, i guess this is the nesting instinct mothers to be have. We managed to get a few things done for the house too which is great. Hopefully the final task (redoing the rumpus floor) can be done too before the baby comes.

Being a housewife

This is the fifth day I'm staying at home, slowly ticking off my to do list and hoping that my baby will stay in for a little longer until I am ready.
It feels quite good finally ticking the list off. At the same time, I feel that the baby could come any time and all those cleaning and preparation that I haven't done doesn't really matter in the end if the baby does come before I could finish them.
After all, there will always be cleaning to do. At least I have finished washing all the baby clothes, and the nursery is somewhat ready to go.
It is going to be yet another life changing event for both us. Year after year, it just seems to get more and more exciting. With a new member of family coming along, I know that our lives will never be the same again, it is going to be a new learning process for both of us becoming parents.
Hopefully when baby decides to come, the labour will be smooth without complications and we can be a happy family of 3 soon.

2016 New Year resolution

I finally have some time to sit down and sort my computer out. I officially started my maternity leave!
For the past few years I have been doing new year resolutions every year, this year it comes 18 days late but it's better late than never.
I would like to keep this year's resolution simple just like all other years, since I am expecting, let this year's resolution be that I can learn to be a good mother and hopefully motherhood goes smoothly for me.
Our baby is due in 4 weeks, but really he can come any time from now.
Since I started my maternity leave, I can finally do a big clean of the house and do all final preparation for our baby's birth.
Last year's resolution was to have a healthy year, I think I achieved it, I picked up a lot of sports, running, badminton, pilates, archery. However I had to stop all activities when I was hit by morning sickness. Being sick and tired all the time was really hard, thankfully it got better after 16 weeks.
Having said that, working full time plus over time all the way through pregnancy wasn't easy either, when I come home from a full day of work, it was almost impossible to do anything else, so my list of cleaning and tidying up just kept piling up, until now when I finally have some time off before the baby comes. Getting pregnant was actually also one of my secret new year's resolution last year, I didn't want to put it down on blog because I didn't want to jinx it. Thankfully we are blessed by this growing baby inside me, and hopefully we will be a family of 3 soon.
Becoming parents still seems foreign to both of us, I am excited and nervous at the same time, so many questions and why don't babies come with a manual? But at the same time, I cannot wait to see what my son looks like, is he going to look like a mini Frank? Or is he going to have more of my features? Is he going to be an easy baby or is he going to be a little rascal?
I guess that is part of being a parent, you just have to learn to adapt and I am sure however he turns out to be, we will love him unconditionally.
Baby has got a name, which will only be revealed when we meet him.
Hopefully he stays put inside mummy for a little while more, so that mummy can get all the stuff done at home. Better go and hang all the baby clothes now. Till then.