I have evolved.

I remember sitting in the library by the window next to the heater on a cold winter night, studying hard and being anxious about not getting through third year.
I looked outside the window and saw people walking, relaxing and having a life. I told myself I need to get through this so that I can have a life too someday.
Then, it was all over, I have not just passed the toughest third year but also glided through forth year. Before I realised, it was the end of university life and into the working world.

The past 2 years have flown by just like that. In exactly 10 days time, I will be sitting for the biggest assessment in my life. That day, I will be getting up and head to work as usual, only that it's not at my usual working place but a simulated pharmacy in a hotel bedroom.
Never mind the nerves and anxiety, I know it is something I have to get through to get to my goals. I must say with all these years of experience, I am almost used to the pressure, i no longer freak out just before exams, crying by my desk thinking i am going to fail and lose everything.

I guess this is what working in the real world does to you, it makes you think outside the box. The big picture here is that there is no point getting all crazy over this assessment, everyday is an assessment in my line of work, i deal with patients everyday, i deal with potential life threatening scenarios everyday, theoretically i should be able to deal with the same scenarios too on the 6th of November. If i do muck up and had to be reassessed, i deserve it because i could've killed someone if it was a real life situation.

Having said that, looking at the big picture made me think. I suddenly realise that I am no longer a student, focusing just on passing my papers so i can move on the the next level. I am almost there, i am almost a registered pharmacist that i spent the last 6 years working my ass out to become. It did take me an extra year more than most people, but I am proud to say i tried my best all the way through and I am almost there.

Now that it is almost over, it felt like i was in a long dream all this time, and i am finaly awakening. That makes me think, what is going to happen after this year? I no longer have assessments to aim for passing. After this year, I will finally get what i have always wanted all these years of hardwork, i will have my life back. And then what?

I have to admit, I am no longer the same person I was 6 years ago when i first came to New Zealand. I am now a wife, living with my husband in a home we own. I had a goal to be a pharmacist and I am on my way there to achieve it. How I managed to juggle work and study and even planned a wedding while at university and got married in my first year of working, I don't know. But this is what my life is right now.

It's a mixed feeling, part of me feel happy that i have achieved so much in such a short amount of time. Another part of me felt like i have 'lost' those years of life because i dedicated all my time to achieve my goals. Now that it is almost over, I am actually a little afraid to move on to the next chapter. Things have changed, my life has evolved, and so have I.

On the side note, I am still surprised how the wedding is all over and I am now legally married for almost 7 months. I almost wish that i could slow down time, especially the part when i got married. Just so that i could relive the moment and feel myself walking down the aisle all over again. It all happened too fast, and there were so many things going on in my life at that time it almost 'diluted' the special moment of my wedding. This year is a big big year for me. And I really wish it ends just as well as it started.

A month to go

A month from today, i will be free.

Sigh... the suspense and the never ending workload.